For those of us who are mothers, I have a question. Do you ever feel that motherhood is a lonely place even if you have ‘a village’?
For me there are many times I’ve found motherhood lonely. I’ve been on this journey for 7 years and even now there are days when I feel I’m on my own. We talk about having a village but your village is not there 24/7. Or at least I feel mine isn’t because most of my ‘village’ have their own lives, their own parenting and family struggles – and I don’t like to add to it. I even struggle to define what a village is.
Now we can say ‘But don’t think like that. Call me if ever you need’ but in reality our network nowadays compared to our parent’s time is very different. Most families have two parents working; we’re more spread out location wise; we want more in our lifestyle choices. Don’t get me wrong – I have a fabulous husband and two great kids. But there are times I just want to speak with someone who gets what I’m talking about! Someone who has kids the same age as mine so we can figure out each ever changing stage they’re going through; someone who gets why my mind is going 100 miles an hour; why I can’t tune my brain off before bed; why I’m trying to juggle more than one thing at once.
I’ve never been one to sit in with the four walls. I go crazy. Even if it’s just a walk around the block, I need to get out into the fresh air. I clearly remember being at home with our first born, hubby had gone back to work and I was struggling badly. I had a Mother’s Group that met once a week and it was my saviour. But we were all new mum’s and as a new village I didn’t want to burden them with my feelings of loneliness even as the kids grew up. The isolation of being at home, of not having other adults around who got what I was going through, the loneliness – it’s hard to describe.
There’s a lot of chat about mums looking after themselves health-wise, exercising and eating the right foods but there’s a lot to be said about mental well-being. Loneliness affects the mind then the body. We need people to help us get through that but how do we overcome the feeling of ‘burdening’ rather than reaching out to our village and community?
I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’ve been through this and how you got through it.