Recently I got asked if I was going to have any more children. When I said I doubt it, that I was quite happy with my two boys, I was then faced with the question of did I not want a girl? In all honesty questions like that bug me so much you can see the emotion change on my face. We have two healthy, happy boys that get on really well for the most part. I don’t, and didn’t, have a desire to have a particular gender when we decided to try for a baby or when I was waiting for them to pop out. All I wanted was smooth pregnancies and healthy babies.
I wasn’t the type of woman who grew up wanting to be a mum. I was happy living my life, working and having fun. I met my husband while I was holidaying in Australia and, after a few years of being married, decided to bite the bullet and have children. We didn’t find out the gender on either child as we wanted the surprise and I was lucky enough to have two smooth pregnancies, 18 months apart.
Life was busy with both of us working and juggling two kids under two. We had talked briefly about whether we’d add to our family or not but when the youngest was two and a half we had to make a decision as we were getting old in terms of healthy eggs and working sperm! As my husband was happy to go either way and I was the one going to be impacted most, I put a time limit on us – one year. One year to way up everything and whether I felt we could manage adding to our busy family.
To be honest, if I had family living here then yes we’d have had our third baby well before our youngest was three. But after months of going back and forth as to why we should and why we shouldn’t, here are my reasons for our family stopping with two children
- No family living close by. Kids are hard enough work when you have family support, it’s even harder without the support
- Hubby had decided on a new business venture which I fully support but as with all new businesses, it requires work and dedication
- I loved being back at work
- Both of us were older (me in late 30’s and hubby in early 40’s)
- Kids are expensive
- We were in a good place with our two boys (read as both were sleeping well and out of nappies!!)
- I didn’t ‘need’ a girl, for those who asked
I’ve had friends who sneeze and fall pregnant and friends who unfortunately couldn’t have children. I’m extremely grateful for our two healthy boys. There’s the rumbling and tumbling, the dirt and the mess but there are also thousands of cuddles, kisses and I love you’s.
So, before asking the ‘next baby’ or girl v boy question, consider that maybe the person you’re asking has already spent much time weighting it all up and has come to the right decision for their family.
One thought on “Two – plus one?”
Ohh I have been researching this topic too and I’m in a similar situation to you – two beautiful boys and I’m mulling over a third. Like yourself, I’ve never really “needed” a girl – I did want kids, but if anything, I wanted boys not girls. You offer really good reasoning though, particularly with the fact that kids are expensive!! But everything else seems to work the other way for me – like I do have in laws living close by who support us well and that I’m also only 26 so I could potentially have more kids. Hmm decisions decisions…